Disappearing in Similarity

Whenever I see everyone doing the same thing, I withdraw emotionally and turn into an observer. 

For example: This weekend the Northeast, and especially the DC area where I live, got a huge snowstorm that blanketed the region with well over a foot of snow and closed roads, businesses, airports, etc.  This precipitated (no pun intended... well, yes it was!) the expected blog posts and facebook updates about the snow, how much people got at their house, how it interrupted all their plans, staying inside and warm and drinking hot cocoa... you get the idea.  Since I was also seized with the impulse to let everyone know how magical I thought the snow was, I understand why these posts are everywhere.  However, when I got online to write my own comments, the sameness of everyone's experience stopped me cold.  I realized that my banal comments offered nothing new, and signed off in dissatisfaction.

I realized this morning why this was happening in my head: I wasn't sharing anything personal.  Everyone can write that the snow was beautiful, or that their dog wouldn't go outside until they stamped out a path.  People who stand out share themselves rather than just what they are doing or seeing.  They share a moment in time and what it means to them.  Or they delve into their particular emotions or thoughts, their own personal way of dealing with an issue.  The rest of us disappear into the weave of our common cloth because we try to sum up our whole lives.  And the truth is that by and large, we are all the same. It is only in the details, the tiny thoughts and reactions and desires, that we differ in fascinating complexity.

Please note that I am not devaluing all those posts that I read.  I enjoy reading them.  They are comforting and entertaining.  It is my own reaction I found interesting.  I--just like everyone else-- want to be unique.  And I am, in my own small ways.  But it is harder emotionally as well as more time-consuming to share the small thoughts and impressions and experiences.  I hate the idea of people I know reading my posts and reacting in a way I can't control.  So I have only written status updates, and have deleted any comments that leave me feeling exposed.

These thoughts have led me to what will probably be a New Year's resolution: Put more of myself into my work.  This will mean taking the time to be thoughtful and thorough, as well as being courageous enough to share my emotions and perspectives.  To stop disappearing in my similarities to others, and start illuminating the treasures in my heart and head.